Thursday, September 29, 2005 

i am a rock, i am an island

k, in her sermon that she gave at seminary this past year quoted the simon and garfunkel song where i took my title from. it seems i have been thinking a lot these past days about islands, and for that matter rocks. anna, logan, and i spent the past sunday through tuesday on mackinac island for a synod leadership retreat. if you have never been there, you must someday make the trip. in order to get out there you have to ride a ferry from either mackinaw city (weird to me that the island is spelled with a c and the city with a w) or st. ignace. there are no automobiles allowed on the island so the only way to get around is by walking, biking, or riding on the horse-drawn taxis. we did a lot of walking as well as taking a tour around the island on a carriage. logan LOVED the horses and all in all it was a great time for us to get away from the chaos of moving into our new house! yep- we did it finally- last friday we closed and that night we had a crew of about 15 people help us pack up, move, and unload. we are now going through the painful process of unpacking, but there is something different this time as we have arrived at our HOME. anna repeatedly has expressed how much she loves this home- and that is enough to make me celebrate! there is a new peace about anna- she is now able to "nest" and she begins a new job next week at a day care/preschool where logan will be going- not exactly utlizing her master's degree that put us in debt, but still something that she will enjoy!!!

so...this idea of island got me thinking. it is so easy to become an island- to lock out everyone else and become only concerned for ourselves. there is a risk in actually being land-locked if you will. we put ourselves out there, make ourselves vulnerable and risk being hurt. i have been thinking this week a lot about that as i have begun my initial calling for advent. going door to door and knocking on hundreds of houses really has excited me. but, at the same time, there are moments when the pressure seems all to real- where i really need some of these folks to listen to what i am saying, and to be part of the church, or my expectations from the synod and chicago are not met. there have been times when i have wondered- what in the hell am i doing here, serving in this call. but then, almost like god knows something about this ministry stuff- i am reminded of why i am doing this. i get no greater joy than seeing someone come alive when they tell me their journey- so many people are dying to share it, and 0nly need to be asked. i think our goal, my goal, is to bridge that water that separates these islands from others- to invite them to be part of something bigger, a place where they will be met with the cross and the love of jesus- a place where they will be accepted and loved in spite of what they feel has placed them so far out in the deep.

"i touch no one, and no one touches me..." i hope and pray that the people who will be part of advent will long to truly break down the island barriers, and begin to truly touch others.

i continue to think of my many friends spread all across the country starting their ministry, some in the midst some waiting to hear where they will serve, some waiting for votes, some making sure the seminary runs- all people who have shaped me- thank god for them, and may god continue to bless them to be blessings.


8:08 PM | |

Sunday, September 18, 2005 

renewal

it never ceases to amaze me how god continually surprises me. as my earlier post stated, we have had our ups and downs over some things that maybe should not bother us as much as they do. well, nonetheless the issues still existed, and we reacted as we did. so...bitter, frustrated, etc. we went on with our lives last week.

as the week went on, i could not help but realize the power of prayer- and the power of knowing that so many people were praying for us. just knowing that means all the difference in the world. the good news is that progress is being made on the house front- wells fargo is all straight and now we are just waiting for the mortgage company to go with it- should be this week- please! that is good news for sure and it made me happier this week, but the true joy came from my vocation. i was able this week to do some visitation for bethlehem (the church we live next to who is without a pastor). this visiting time with a homebound member who was near death last week, and another man in the hospital brought me great joy. i was reminded of how much i love this work- and how awesome a job we pastor types have to share the love of God with others- and get paid for it. i can't wait until this new church gets started, and visitation will be part of my weekly routine. and then- more refreshment came last night and today as i presided and preached at bethlehem. now, it should be noted, that their four services on a weekend are a bit too many in my opinion (all the same service, 1 sat, and 3 sunday). again through doing the job i have been trained and called to do, i was blessed beyond belief. it was officially my first time as an ordained person presiding at communion and it was quite humbling. i thank god daily for this opportunity- i mean really, we have the best job in the world.

ok, so it may seem that i have bi-polar disorder as i move from being very bitter and sad to being refreshed and happy- but so be it!

thank you lord for all you have blessed us with.

1:05 PM | |

Tuesday, September 13, 2005 

venting

i need to vent. this waiting for financing for our home sucks. and i realize i am in no position to complain- there are thousands of people who do not have a home and are suffering from the destruction of katrina. there are people all over the world dying every day because they do not have enough food to eat. i have both food and shelter, yet right now i find myself quite bitter. it could be because anna is going nuts in the house we are in now- a shelter, an old home- but one that stinks, is hot, and is not ours. i think her emotional rollercoaster is finally starting to wear on me. i feel terrible to complain, but god please help us. i am sad because anna is so sad, i am mad because anna is mad. i am mad too because had wells fargo told us that all i had to do was take my loans out of grace, we would be in our new home now. i am numb because i am not sure how i am to feel. i am frustrated because i can't seem to come up with a sermon for sunday relating to the workers in the vineyard- where we learn that the last shall be first. damn it.

okay, i will stop but i had to find a place to share some of my feelings- and this seemed as good a place as any. thanks for the ears.

dear lord- help keep things in perspective, remind us that you are god and we are not, that we need to serve you every day. continue o lord to lead us on paths that bring glory to the kingdom and not paths that seek to bring glory to ourselves. amen

11:50 AM | |

Monday, September 12, 2005 

and it is...



a girl. we had our ultrasound today and found out that the baby that has been making anna so sick is indeed a girl!!!!! big brother logan is very excited to have a sister.

how amazing it is to think that we will be having another life joining our family. wow- these pictures really make it seem even more real. january will be here before we know it- yippee.

2:15 PM | |

Saturday, September 10, 2005 




today i was blessed to conduct my first baptism service. it was held outside at the home of a person that is part of Advent (what we are calling the new mission). lisa, the mother, called me quite a while ago after getting my name from another pastor where she used to attend. we have met several times in the last few weeks to talk about baptism, plan this service, as well as to dream about what advent can be about. the service was beautiful- a small group a bit of rain- but still the spirit was present. as i poured the water over ethan's head and baptized him he looked up at me with the biggest smile in the world which almost sent me to tears! i was humbled greatly today by the responsibility of administering this sacrament and realized yet again what a great joy we have as pastors to be part of baptisms, communion, weddings, deaths- wow. i often wonder how i get to be this lucky.

being part of this today reminded me of the important things in our lives. anna and i are waiting rather impatiently for my student loans to finish consolidating so that our mortgage can close- just a matter of time they keep telling us. it has been hard, hard on anna especially as she is getting very eager to begin "nesting" for the new baby. we have been perhaps even a little bitter lately- but were blessed with the presence of leland here for the last week to keep our spirits up. today also provided a needed reprieve to the grief that is in our world- i don't mean to move away from it, but rather needed a reason to smile. this child, this beautiful creation of our god- totally unaware of the strife if our world reminded me to pause today to give thanks to god for all that i have been blessed with. thank you god for all the little reminders of your grace and presence.

and some more good news- the nfl season REALLY starts tomorrow

7:01 PM | |

Sunday, September 04, 2005 

ordination and the rest

unlike my friend e i have been too lazy to put any of the pictures that were taken from my ordination on my computer yet. so...i guess i will try to explain in words the experience. i must say first that erik does indeed look mighty good in a stole.

looking back now on my ordination and the days that surrounded it, i can't believe how lucky a person i truly am. the amount of love and support we have from our friends and family is so awesome and uplifting. we were blessed to be able to spend a bit of time with both a's and my families. logan was able to see his friends- which in itself was worth the 18 hour drive home from sd. and we were able to reconnect with friends from seminary. it was awesome to be back home- even amidst the terrible disaster of katrina which brought us back to reality pretty quick. my heart continues to ache for everyone afflicted by her wrath.

the service of ordination ended up being wonderful. i was a little unsure how it would turn out since i had been planning it via email and phone calls with my pastor. but, once the bishop found his way to the church everything ran very smoothly. the turn out was wonderful especially for a mid-week service, and the worship was very inspirational. my home pastor was a grace-filled presence and presider, my internship supervisor roger preached a very powerful sermon reminding us to consider whose we are rather than who we are when we go to do ministry, the bishop was very cool- all around a great guy who amidst tough times at home put on a very professional face, and leland did a wonderful job of assisting- what a gift to have him be part of the service.

i was humbled by all of it- completely in awe- holy crap it all comes to this, now i am ordained, now i am a pastor. i know it is just a title, but a title that truly means all the years of schooling now have added up to this- thank god. i think the best part about the entire service was being in the presence of those who have been a huge part of it from the beginning- friends from trinity, family, and more recent friends from seminary who have put up with me for four years. again- thanks to all of them for keeping me up to task.

now...labor day weekend... leland treked home with us and we are having a good time just being and doing a bunch of nothing. as this week approaches i realize i have a bunch of stuff to start doing. how exciting it truly is to be able to look forward to the work that lies ahead.

god is so good, all the time- i realize this is sometimes tough to understand especially in times of turmoil and disaster- but are we not called to still proclaim that god is good? i hope so- god is good indeed.

peace out

8:00 PM | |