Ephphatha

we are getting settled. i think all of us have different ideas of what it means, or what it takes to get to that point. for instance- i have needed internet access among other things to officially feel like i can function. after having it installed today, i can admit i feel a lot better. anna and logan went to a local orchard today to pet the animals and pick up some produce- something that made both of them feel like we are somewhere we can call home. yet, their still remains a sense of unsettled-ness. we know we are moving again in a few weeks or months. we will be meeting with our lender this friday and then start looking at houses next week. this is exciting, but very dreadful considering how much we LOVE to move.

i have been watching from afar the moving of friends from seminary. i hope and pray for the best during their transitions. how crazy it is that we were all together so recently and now the calls are beginning to take shape. good news on lelandfront- released to region three- at least that is a start.

we had a picnic tuesday night to kick off the new mission start. i was told there would probably be 25 people there max- we pulled up and there were 80 folks. the assistant to the bishop came up to talk about the mission, and then we were able to introduce ourselves and talk about our hopes and dreams for the mission. the welcome was awesome and got me very excited again about this call. of the 80 people there at least 20 are very interested in being members of the new church. and then today i was talking with my cable guy about my job, and he said sh*t, i was just thinking i need to get back into church. he happens to live in the service area and wants to be part of the start-up group. god's ways never cease to amaze me. so...we go forward trusting that god will provide and lead.

even amidst the excitement of meeting new folks and the feelings of being settled- there is a sense of grief and loss. tonight, logan was very homesick as he talked about wanting to go to our other home, and wanting to play with sigourney and caitlyn. this tears my heart apart- but know that he will rebound as we meet new friends.

last night in my little introduction i talked about bonhoeffer's concept of calling. in life together and discipleship he stresses the importance of remembering that when we go out and approach people to invite them to be obedient to christ's calling- the call is not from us- but from god only. i am a mere human and god is god. to me, this takes some of the initial edge and fear away from approaching new people. in the past few days i have had a very comfortable feeling that my call to this particular ministry setting is indeed of god. what a relief it is to have this feeling. trusting in god's guidance i will shortly be catapulted me into this ministry.

we have arrived! after a long 18 hours on the road (with some stopping obviously) we have arrived in traverse city to the warm welcome of about 8 kind souls who helped us unload the truck. the journey here was great- i spent most of the time trying to talk the truck and trailor combo to go faster than 50- as well as trying to coax logan to sleep. it ended up that he did not, nor did any of us. i guess that is the kind of stuff that builds character. the arrival in a new place is exciting- and challenging already. until i get internet in my home i must come down here to boarders and take part in the Tmobile Hotspot. yippee. but...it is worth paying a little to have access to my email and other essentials.

anna's mom, dad, and sister helped us with the drive, and are going to turn around tomorrow and go home- thank god for their help as the trip would have been a lot harder without them.

my last night at the seminary was great- one i will forever remember. a great crew of showed up to pack the truck- timtook over as the load master and did a wonderul job getting all of our stuff in the truck- in addition to a bike that was not ours....oh well i swear we will have my inlaws return it soon. it was very emotional to say goodbye to so many good friends, who came out in force to help us through this less than perfect situation. i was sad for myself, but thinking of logan saying goodbye to his friends was the hardest part. i was not there, but i heard him and caitlyn had a tear-filled goodbye. the good news i guess as he reminds me often is "we will make new friends daddy!, it will be ok".

well since i have not slept since thursday night i must go for now. thanks to all of you who have supported us in this time of transition. reminder that ordination is set for August 31- all are invited.

sometimes i wish i had no emotions...that way this going to a new place, moving away from the people i love the most, taking logan from his best and only real friends he has ever known, and the rest would really be a lot easier. there would be no gut-wrenching emotional rollercoaster- no tears just robot-like goodbyes.

that said- i have had lot of emotions these past few days. logan and i spent the weekend in south dakota- great seeing dad, mom, grandma, and others but still hard to say goodbye knowing we are going to be so far away now. went golfing today with anna's dad bill- it was great to do it finally since we have been meaning to for so long. we had good conversation, mainly focussed on the upcoming move which of course made us both really excited and sad- the story of my life i guess.

tonight leland came over and presented me with the most thoughtful gift in the world. officially titled, "a guide to church planting in the postmodern age", the pages are filled with scripture, thoughtful words from books, pictures of our life here, pictures from the St. John's Bible, and letters of encouragement from a variety of folks dear to anna and i. i am so moved by this gift- at the time and hard work, love, thoughts, etc. put in by leland(injustice still seems to rule as he is without a call)- his act here really humbled me- what a guy, what a friend- my feelings of grattitude for this book and his friendship are beyond words. i am also moved greatly by the thoughts and words of deep encouragement from my brothers and sisters in this place and beyond. it is people like this that get me excited about this new venture of mission development. people who have so much to offer, people who offer themselves as a living sacrifice to god's work on this world. truly the salt of the earth. people i will miss incredibly, people who have taught me more than i could ever imagine- and these teachings i will rely on heavily in the coming days and years. i say thanks to all my friends out there who provide me with so much so often- all those that have and continue to touch my life. know that i will continue to call on you- and know too that i will continue to pray and think of all of you daily.

so much more to say, but just can't gather the thoughts at this time.

it really amazes me that my entire life is now almost completely packed up inside of boxes. of course the REAL important aspects of my life (spouse, child, dogs, cat, friends, etc) could never be put inside of boxes, but the rest of me is all ready to be shipped out sometime next week. every time i walk into my study (where most of my boxes are stacked neatly, i am reminded of the harsh reality that this leaving thing is really going to happen soon. i realize i have been lamenting, pondering, blabbing, about this subject a lot lately but i guess i can't help myself. it seems that it must be important- perhaps it is my way of saying goodbye to this place or something. everytime i do something i think "wow that was probably the last time i will do that here in a long time". i golfed today with erik and had a great time. we might be lucky enough to get out next week for one more go at it, but this could have been the last time in a while that we golf together. how sad am i? man all these emotions suck- and then on top of it my lovely wife is sick due to being pregnant. so i am sad at the fact that she is sick, that logan will be leaving the only friends he has known and that i don't get to golf with E any more! the golfing aside- it does suck to be kicked out of this community that we have established over the last few years.

ok- enough of my bitter spewing. god is so good- things are definitely starting to take shape for our move and my starting in the greater Traverse City area. i look forward to the so many new adventures that will happen there, in addition to the new communities that we will be able to be part of.

logan and i are traveling this weekend to see my parents and grandparents one more time and i am sure that will be another one of those emotional times. i find it odd that my family is having a much harder time with us moving than anna's- especially my mother. i attribute this mainly to the fact that anna's family is much more well-adjusted on many levels- where they are saying- go, adventure, have fun- mine says- no, you can't go, how can you leave us. anyway- just a side note that popped into my head.

wow this has turned into a cluster of battered thoughts- i apologize but i guess it is what i needed.

last night was my last night working at champps- a very sweet thing and a very sour thing. i am excited to be done working there for many reasons - probably the biggest being the fact that it means i am really done with school and will be starting my career. however i am very sad at the fact that i will no longer be around the so many friends i have there. due to it being my last night there was a little going away party for me. i was very moved by the number of people who showed up and had a wonderful time. it was so fun to be able to kick it with them one more time! leland made it out for the party as well and it was so great to have him there. he has been quite a regular at champps the nights i work :-). when it was all over i shed many tears and gave many hugs- and looking back at the night that is the way it should have been. these people who i worked with for so many years became great friends, as well as teachers to me in so many ways. my ministry has forever been shaped by my conversations and experiences at that bar- it really amazes me. and also i think the emotions started to poor out because of the fact that that good-bye marks the beginning of many that are going to start happening. it makes me very sad to leave behind so much- yet i know this is god's call and i will do my best to follow her will.

cheers to new experiences and great friends for life.

i think the reality is starting to sink in that we will be moving in less than three weeks. i continue to go to the liquour store to stack up on boxes and the boxes continue to be filled and take up room in our apartment. as more boxes are piled up the more and more my emotions start to run. often i am very excited at the grea opportunity that lies in front of us, but some times i truly dread the idea of leaving this safety net. the last few days have been very sweet as we have spent much time with friends- and logan has been able to hang with all of his little buddies. part of the emotional turmoil comes with the question of can i really do this work? i know i have been prepared well, and have what it takes, but still how do we prepare for it now? what does it take to be a good pastor? what does it take to be a mission developer?

i had a good visit the other day with president bliese and he gave me words to live by i think- he said- "you just have to do it- get your feet wet and dive in- you will learn real fast what you need to work on and then, then you can go back and learn it" i think he is right in many ways- i know there are certain things i can do well and obviously things that i can't- it will be helpful to start the actual learning process by actually doing the work.

many more friends continue to get calls and move out, and still others are waiting. man, it pisses me off to think about how wrong it is that some of my friends- who are very able pastors- are still being dicked around. whoa- that is just wrong.

babble babble babble- i must quit- just wanted to vent.